The curse of being Ken Brown

“Kenneth” is the 17th most common first name in the English language. “Brown” is the 5th most common last name. Though my family calls me “Spencer” my legal name is the oh-so-common “Ken Brown.” That’s Ken like the doll, Brown like the color.

I was one of three Ken Browns in a community Karate class. A Ken Brown works at a rival newspaper (he was even promoted to an editor position not too long after I was!). And scores of other Ken Browns roam cyberspace.

Every few days, I get e-mail meant for one of them. I used to tell senders of their mistake, but it got to be too much work. But I can’t help reading the messages, and so I’ve learned a lot about these sobriquetical doppelgangers.

Now, a few of these may tie into the same Ken:

• One is a teacher who accepts class assignments via e-mail (I still do inform the students of their mistake in these cases, but judging from the quality of their work, I doubt my good deed will help their grade much.) He also appears to be looking for a school administrator job.
• One wants to lose weight (he joined Weight Watchers). Or maybe he’s just trying to pick up people struggling with their weight.
• One is an architect or works at an architectural firm.
• One is collecting proposals for a home project. This may be the architect. If I see any good bids for a new roof, I may reply.
• One is married to a woman named Ann, and GoldPointsPlus.com is very excited to welcome them as members.
• One has a thing for Jim Carey tattoos.
• One goes by Alicia. I still haven’t figured out the backstory on that one.

That’s just from the legitimate e-mail. Who knows how much of my spam was actually meant for another Ken, or for that matter, Alicia.

What if any of these people are getting my e-mail?